How much are women expected to carry?

Some mornings in Trinidad, it seems a woman could finish half a day’s work before she even leaves home. There’s breakfast to make, children to get ready, lunches to pack, and somebody asking where something is that was perfectly visible five minutes ago. Then comes the commute, the traffic and a full day at work. By the time she gets home, there’s still dinner, washing and a list of other things waiting for her.

For many women, this is ordinary life. I’ve always admired the women who seem to find a way through everything. Growing up around strong women teaches you to appreciate their determination, their resourcefulness and the sheer amount of work that goes into keeping a family going. But it also makes me wonder why being capable so often means being given even more to do.

There’s a difference between admiring a woman’s strength and expecting her to carry everything simply because she can.

In many households, women are responsible for more than the chores people can see. There’s the planning, the remembering, the worrying and the constant awareness of what everybody else needs. Even after a full day’s work, there’s often another shift waiting at home. And because women have done this for generations, people have begun to treat it as something that comes naturally.

As a blind woman, I know that expectations can become complicated in another way, too. Sometimes people underestimate what we can do before we’ve even had the chance to do it. Ordinary tasks can become occasions for unsolicited help, unnecessary concern or surprise when we manage perfectly well on our own. Some people assume we’re unable to make good decisions about our own lives, or even to articulate our own needs and concerns.

Yet, blind and visually impaired women have responsibilities, ambitions, families, jobs and lives just like anyone else. We can be expected to do too much in some situations and be assumed incapable in others.

Girls notice these things. They watch who makes the sacrifices, who puts her own needs aside and who is expected to keep going regardless of how tired she feels. Blind and visually impaired girls also learn from the way people respond to them. They deserve to grow up knowing they can pursue their goals, ask for what they need and make their own decisions without having to live up to somebody else’s idea of what a girl with visual impairment should be.

October gives us several reasons to think about what we’re teaching the next generation, as well as to examine our own attitudes, particularly when it comes to women’s health and wellbeing.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month reminds us of the importance of breast health, screening and early detection. Yet, women can be so occupied with looking after everyone else that their own appointments keep getting postponed. For blind and visually impaired women, access can be a problem in itself. Inaccessible facilities and information, along with assumptions about whether we can manage our own care, can make an already stressful experience even more difficult.

Too often, medical practitioners assume that the blind patient in front of them is incapable of identifying something as simple as which finger hurts, much less recognising or reporting whether she has felt a lump in her breast. Instead, they choose to speak to the sighted companion.

Assuming she has a sighted companion to accompany her at all.

It’s humiliating and exhausting. These barriers, combined with our culture’s reluctance to acknowledge that something may be wrong until it becomes impossible to ignore, can make avoiding an appointment seem easier than dealing with the logistical burden and the indignity of being treated as though you cannot speak for yourself. That can come at a serious cost to a woman’s health.

World Menopause Day, observed on October 18, brings attention to another stage of women’s lives that deserves more understanding.

Menopause can affect sleep, mood, concentration and everyday comfort, and every woman’s experience is different. Women should be able to discuss these changes and get appropriate support without feeling that they must quietly endure everything while carrying on as usual.

We also need to recognise that hormonal changes around menopause can affect eye health and vision. For a woman already experiencing vision difficulties, or one who begins to lose her sight during this stage of life, the practical adjustments are only part of the picture. We must also consider the emotional toll of navigating a world that suddenly feels unfamiliar.

For a woman experiencing significant changes in her vision, those around her need to understand that she may have entered a strange, scary new world. She needs support, not to be told, “Deal with it.”

But before the aspiring young lady, the mother and, later, Granny, there is the girl child.

International Day of the Girl Child is observed annually on October 11, and perhaps this is the most important place to begin. If we want women to grow up understanding their worth, making informed decisions and taking responsibility for their well-being, we have to consider what we are teaching them from childhood.

Women deserve the freedom to be capable without being overburdened, to need support without being treated as helpless, and to look after themselves without feeling guilty for doing so. The girls growing up today deserve to know that, too.

This column is supplied in conjunction with the T&T Blind Welfare Association

Headquarters: 118 Duke Street, Port-of-Spain, Trinidad

Email: [email protected]

Phone: (868) 624-4675

WhatsApp: (868) 395-3086