Quiet the voice that says you can’t

Dear Dani,

I’ve realised my inner voice can be pretty harsh. I always expect the worst or talk myself out of things before I even try. I want to learn how to flip these thoughts into ones that actually build me up instead of tear me down, but without turning into one of those fake ‘good vibes only’ people. How do I focus my thoughts on the positive in a real, authentic way?

Dear Friend,

First off, give yourself some grace. You’re already winning by noticing that your inner voice has been playing the role of chief critic instead of hype man/woman. That awareness is the first step to transformation.

Here’s the thing: our brains are wired to look for threats first. It’s an ancient survival setting. Way back in the day, it kept us alive. Now? It just keeps us stressed and pressed. But the beautiful part is that your brain is also trainable, like a muscle. With enough consistent reps, you can shift that inner commentary from “You’re going to fail” to “You’ve got this, I believe in you!”

Start small. When a negative thought comes up like “I’ll probably mess this up”, catch it and ask yourself, “Is that a fact, or just a fear?” Then flip that script with a positive spin to “I’ve prepared, I’ve done hard things before, and I can do this too.”

This isn’t about fake “good vibes only” energy, it’s about realistic optimism. You’re not pretending bad moments don’t exist, you’re just refusing to give them the steering wheel and let them run the show.

Science backs you up here. Dr Masaru Emoto’s famous water crystal experiment showed that frozen water molecules changed structure when exposed to different words. They made beautiful symmetrical patterns with positive words like ‘love’, ‘joy’, and ‘harmony’. When negative words were used, those beautiful patterns became distorted, chaotic shapes; even the colour turned murky. Remember, our bodies are mostly water, so imagine the impact of your thoughts and words on you. Positive self-talk isn’t just fluff.

And here’s the magic: positivity creates upward spirals. It fuels better decision-making, attracts opportunities, strengthens relationships, and makes you more resilient. So the next time someone side-eyes you for “always wanting to be positive”, remember, your joy is your choice, your power, and your peace. If they find it annoying, that’s a “them problem”. You just keep bubbling like soup; who don’t love a bess soup with provision and real dumplings?!