Protecting our children during holidays is necessary

This July-August holidays, my concern is heightened by some stories of child abuse and by my insecurity about our young people based on the news of such abuses.

The holidays are a time when parents must focus on getting the best balance between keeping their children engaged and entertained and ensuring they are safe. Safety includes physical hazards but is more focused here on safety measures to ensure psychological well-being.

By August, many parents have spent as much as they could on full-day enrollment in camps and vacation programmes. Many alternative arrangements are being sought for children’s day and nighttime supervision while parents/guardians work.

It’s been a few decades since I experienced this. Now, I am a grandparent of two pre-teens and their parents are responsible for keeping them engaged for another full month. It could be challenging to find appropriate solutions which could make for greater risks and exposures.

Staying with relatives, friends, or more loosely organised supervision for day or night care are options, but I remain wary about the fact that molestation and sexual abuse are usually from known people—relatives and friends—from households we deem safe.

Sexual abuse is any sexual activity without consent.

Therefore, all sexual activity with children is abuse and is criminal. This could be rape, unwanted touching, and harassment, including verbal pestering, and involving pressure, force, or opportunistic perpetration.

To note, intra-familial child sexual abuse “often starts at a younger age than extra-familial abuse and may go on for many years” (Child Sexual Abuse Centre, UK). Being familiar with the history and statistics, I caution parents/guardians to approach every child supervision scenario with deep mistrust and scepticism.

Global reality is that 20 per cent of women and one in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child aged 0-17 years. As well, some 120 million girls and young women under the age of 20 have suffered some form of forced sexual contact (World Health Organization, 2022).

The Children’s Authority of T&T has written that “while this is a time for leisure, fun and exploration, there is a need for all adults to remain watchful, and safeguard all children from abuse, maltreatment and physical harm.”

Because of the changes in routines and “a lack of adequate supervision and caregiver awareness, children are more vulnerable to accidents, harm and abuse. Therefore, parents and guardians are encouraged to make suitable arrangements for the care of children during their vacation,” it continued.

There is also a list of protocols and I recommend everyone to look at it (www.facebook.com/childrensauthoritytt).

Additionally, today’s aim is to highlight other risk factors and exposures to which we must pay attention to improve the safety and security of our children. These are only a few. I encourage parents/guardians to raise their self-awareness and to educate their children too.

Communication: We need to create/present safe, open and confidential channels/atmosphere so our children feel/know they can talk about difficult situations which they may experience. Without this, it becomes difficult for a child to broach topics of sexuality, whether about their agency and changes in their body or that of a violation.

Good communication may help the child to be open and not feel ashamed or judged and prompt early intervention.

Boundaries: We teach boundaries from about age one and continue with age-appropriate interventions throughout their lives until adulthood.

Sexual boundaries and body safety can be taught from early. There are ways to communicate inappropriate behaviours and to teach how to know and understand a violation.

We must educate continuously. Be ardent campaigners for teaching children when to say no and when to report any discomfort. Teach them as well about what it looks like to violate another person.

Monitor technology: Parents, be certain not to make technology your new babysitter because predators are there as well. There are ways to monitor your children’s online activity.

In fact, this should be a condition for them having use of phones, tablets and other devices, in addition to rules on duration of time and time of day on devices. Teach them boundaries and the tenor of unsafe interactions, so they do not become targets.

Remember too, children living in homes with trauma, who may have abusive parents and/or parents who are abusive to each other; children with low self-esteem, those who isolate, who are bullied or ostracised, who lack body-positivity, those who do not get appropriate levels of affirmation and expressions of praise and so much more, all are more vulnerable to sexual abuse.

Ask your children lots of questions and find ways to regularly interrogate their safety through casual conversations and open channels, as you assess their environment when they are not with you. Teach them self-worth, continually assure them that they can confide in you.

“Children with low self-esteem are more likely to be drawn to those who offer flattery, gifts, and special attention. Without feelings of self-worth, a child may not see the value in the boundaries, respect, and consent” to which they are entitled (saprea.org).

This column is an updated version of one previously published.