2 months ago
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Psychologist Sule Joseph - The discovery that the child you claimed, raised and loved as your own, is not biologically yours is a psychological blow few men can face.
For many, it is a hit to the heart, the ego, the extended family, and the child themselves.
Counselling psychologist Sule Joseph told Newsday the emotional fallout can be wide-ranging and long-lasting.
Newsday sought Joseph's views following the recent claim by the Fathers' Association of Trinidad and Tobago that one in three men who did paternity tests between 2020 and 2025 at a judiciary-approved paternity facility turned out not to be the biological parent.
Joseph cautioned that the figure reflected a narrow sample of people who already had suspicions and so did not represent the country as a whole.
“This is a very specific subset of people. I don’t know if it gives us a very accurate statistical percentage of how many men are actually minding children who are not theirs. We have to take that into consideration.”
He said, although there is a subculture in TT in which people tend to justify or rationalise cases of infidelity, a negative result on a paternity test is still a harsh way to discover your partner was unfaithful, even if they had already broken up. It does not take away from the traumatic impact of both pieces of information.
In light of the results of the paternity tests, the association renewed its call for mandatory DNA testing before the court grants maintenance orders.
Joseph said a man may celebrate a negative paternity test result if he already had doubts, but for those who formed deep emotional bonds, the truth could be devastating.
He said the discovery could bring feelings of confusion, betrayal, self-doubt and anger. They may question themselves and their judgement – how they could allow themselves to be tricked – and look back to see if there were signs they may have missed.
Joseph said the emotional damage could be magnified by societal expectations.
“It is an attack on the male ego, and that is where most of the anger comes from – How a woman can trick him into raising another man’s child, how people will view him, and how she has him looking stupid.
“At the same time, men don’t consider how the woman will look ‘stupid’ when the man has a next woman or another family.”
While a lot of focus is on the man, the child as well would be greatly affected.
A child old enough to understand could face confusion, fear, anger and insecurity.
Therefore, the information should be carefully curated and shared at an emotionally stable time in the child’s life, in an environment that is normal for them.
“Depending on the stage the child is going through and how the information is revealed, it can cause several possible negative psychological impacts. You can have a child stuck in a particular stage. They can develop personality traits that can impact relationships, like distrust.”
Their sense of identity, belonging, and stability may be shaken. Questions may arise: Who is my real father? Why is he not in my life? Why did my mother lie? Can women be trusted at all?
“There will never be a perfect time to tell them, but they should know. And it should be done in a way and time that is least disruptive, so sharing that information will not cause major harm.”
Joseph said, ideally, the man and woman should sit with the child together in a familiar environment, and reveal the news to them while providing support, whether the man intends to stay in their lives or not.
He added that, if the child grew up in a chaotic, dramatic environment, such a revelation may not impact them as much.
The ripple effect across the rest of the family could also be devastating. He said relatives such as grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and even close family friends could suffer with feelings of confusion, betrayal and anger.
Why would a woman misidentify a child’s father?
Joseph said motivations vary but she may have wanted a man who was stable to care for the child.
Whatever the circumstances, he stressed that support is vital to help them deal with the situation and the resulting emotions.
Paternity disputes in court
A Family Court lawyer, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, explained how paternity questions arise in court and how the legal system handles them.
She said a request for a DNA test may come for several reasons. If a father’s name is not on the birth certificate, the mother must first apply for a paternity order, which is different from a paternity declaration. The court would ask the man if the child is his and, if he says no, the court would refer them to get a DNA test.
“If it is that the father's name is on the birth certificate, there's a presumption that the child is his."
In those circumstances, the issue of paternity does not arise for applications for legal custody, maintenance, or visitation rights.
“However, if the man comes to court and says, ‘Hey, my name there but I am unsure that child is mine,’ the court will say, ‘To resolve this, I feel that sending you all to do a DNA test.’ But they will tell the father to pay the money in full. If he can’t pay it in full, they (the man and woman) pay it 50/50; if they have no means, the Social Services Unit will bear the cost of the test.”
She said if the test shows the child is not the man’s, “the court ought not to proceed. But the law also recognises “child of the family,” situations. If a man has consistently cared for and financially supported a child, even if they are not biologically related. In such cases, the child is entitled to maintenance.
If a private test reveals the child is not theirs, a man could file a paternity declaration application to have their name removed from the birth certificate. If the mother objects, the court would order a field investigative report, and the Registrar General’s office would have an investigator check the child’s background.
“It is not a simple process of just taking a name off a birth certificate, because you have a little person who is affected. So the court has to determine whether they're going to allow the removal, not to the detriment of the child.”
She recalled one instance in which a man knowingly placed his name on the birth certificate of a child he knew was not biologically his, because he wanted the mother and child in his life. When the child was eight, the couple separated and he attempted to remove his name. The court did not allow him to “damage” the child who knew him as the father by removing his name, and he continued paying maintenance.
She said the removal process usually takes six to eight months but delays are common.
Despite the challenges, she supports the Fathers' Association's call for mandatory testing in cases where paternity is disputed.
“You shouldn't deny a man a DNA test because his name appeared on a birth certificate, because there are people who genuinely are given a ‘jacket’ child. Because the ramifications of it down the road is the issue.”
She said, in her experience, it is rare for women to request paternity tests. When they do, it is often done maliciously, with the intent to hurt the man with information they already know, or to regain custody of a child. In both scenarios, she said, a “child of the family” consideration may arise.
In the end, she said, the court should not shame men for expressing doubt.
“I have no issue with DNA testing being done once somebody comes and says, ‘I'm not sure that's my child. I want to check.’ And we shouldn't make them feel badly, saying it’s only because they don't want the pay maintenance. It will save them a lifetime of heartache.”
English (US) ·